The Men That I've Been Seeing, Baby
by INMH
Summary: For the love bingo challenge, prompt "Love Me Like a Man". Tess has had a number of men in her life, many of which have been less than good to her.


The Men That I've Been Seeing, Baby

**Rating:** PG-13/T

**Genre:** Romance/Drama

**Summary:** For the love_bingo challenge, prompt "Love Me Like a Man". Tess has had a number of men in her life, many of which have been less than good to her.

**Author's Note:** This prompt threw me for a bit of a loop, because at first my slash-button was being mashed like crazy. I assumed these were song lyrics, so I Googled them and found Bonnie Raitt's song. The message I got from that song was a woman searching for a man worthy of her, and one that would treat her with respect.

…That's when my Temil button started getting mashed, and so I took an idea I'd already been contemplating and figured it fit the criteria pretty well.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Smallville. It belongs to Jerry Siegal, Joe Shuster and the CW. The title (and prompt, I believe) come from the song "Love Me Like a Man", by Bonnie Raitt.

()()

Oliver makes her feel alive.

Though he apparently becomes more responsible and serious after the island incident (she didn't know him beforehand, so she can't judge), he's still fun. On a whim, he can charter a boat to take them to the Caribbean, where Tess can enjoy both him and the marine life. He knows exactly what she likes, and calls on those things to make her happy on numerous occasions.

The sex is passionate. Oliver, Tess thinks, is a miracle of nature, because the man has virtually no refractory period and could get it up in a blizzard if he wanted to. They have sex everywhere in his penthouse: The floors, the walls, the stairs, chairs, couches, countertops, bathtubs, of course the beds- Tess feels delightfully dirty with Oliver, and she can't seem to keep a straight face when a guest sits down at the kitchen table to talk, knowing what they've done and will continue doing on top of it.

Something that makes her a little more uncomfortable is the gifts. Growing up in a family that mostly lived on food stamps and, quite frankly, could have given a damn less about her, Tess is not accustomed to receiving material objects as a sign of affection. It was amazing how little you care about things like jewelry when your father's never given you an honest hug.

When Oliver first presents her with a necklace (for no apparent reason), Tess can't accept it. "Oliver, that's- Wow- That had to be expensive."

He smirks. "It's all right- I _like_ spending money on you."

Tess ends up accepting the necklace to spare his feelings, but he seems to get the message from that point on that she's not comfortable accepting frivolous gifts from him and restricts them to special occasions, like birthdays and anniversaries. She's a little uncomfortable accepting them then, too, but Oliver's gifts are always combined with love, and so it makes it easier. Everything is easier, simpler with Oliver.

Oliver goes on running his company, and Tess goes on with her biology pursuits. She even gets an offer from LuthorCorp that makes Oliver spit wooden pegs, and she politely declines. She soothes him when he grumbles about LuthorCorp being the assholes that they are, and giggles when he starts coming up with really overblown ways of knocking them out of the competition (he starts asking her about piranhas and angry octopi and Tess loses it completely).

"_Never_ get too close to LuthorCorp, Tess." Oliver advises. "Unless you want to lose your soul, never get involved with a Luthor. Trust me." She does trust him, so she heeds the advice.

There are times when they fight, because their personalities just clash like that at times. They always make up, and they always move on. However much Oliver irritates her sometimes, Tess loves him. He never once makes her feel unwanted or unworthy of his attention. He never puts his hands on her in anything but love, and she knows that she is safe with him.

And then Oliver cheats on her.

Tess is heartbroken. He is the first man she's ever truly fallen in love with. The first that she's ever given her heart wholly and completely to, and now he's crushed it with an affair with some waitress- or maybe a hostess, she doesn't know and honestly doesn't care, a home-wrecking whore is a home-wrecking whore- that she had the misfortune of walking in on one day. She rips him apart, saying a thousand things she might or might not mean, and then she goes home and packs up everything he's ever given to her and sends it back to him in a cardboard box.

Tess swears she'll never make the same mistake again.

()()

Lex makes her feel empowered.

"You're smart, Tess," He tells her with that cool, charming smile. "And you're tough. The business world was practically _made_ for you."

Lex doesn't treat her like some floozy secretary in a short skirt. He treats her like family, like a sister, gently guiding her through the ups and downs of the shark tank that is LuthorCorp. He helps her better herself, makes her stronger, and that's exactly what she wants. She wants to become big and strong and successful; mostly for herself, and maybe just a little bit because she wants to rub that success in Oliver's face and make him regret the day he tossed her aside. She doesn't want him back, though.

Lex saves her life too. When the explosion almost kills her, he makes sure all survivors (she is one of a small few) are found and cared for as best as possible. He visits her in the hospital with flowers and well-wishes after a few surgeries to get some shrapnel out of her skull and expects nothing of her but to get well. It's after that that he really takes her under his wing and teaches her the ways of Luthor-business.

Her affection for Lex is a school-girl's crush on a teacher. She is in awe of him, of his intelligence and skill and cleverness. Tess idolizes him, holds him up on high as an example of a good man, the kind that Oliver tries to be when representing his company and fails to be when dealing with real people on a personal level.

In spite of her newfound strength, Tess finds herself sometimes painfully shy with Lex in any matters that are not strictly business. In business, in work, she is in her element. She is strong and confident and self-assured. In social settings that are not more or less business-related functions, she stumbles a bit. After a father who treated her like dirt and a true love that betrayed her (and she had never been particularly social anyways), it's not too surprising. But even there, Lex grooms her to become articulate through the discomfort of operating on a personal level, because "Sometimes business will inevitably intersect with pleasure."

Tess starts to love Lex, maybe more than is appropriate for the bare bones of what their relationship is: Teacher-student. Lex's interest in her never strays further than the bounds of affectionate friendship, and Tess tries to force herself to be content with that. Clinging to another man right after Oliver was a bad, bad idea. And if there was anything Lex was trying to teach her, it was that people were not strictly needed for survival.

When Lex goes missing, Tess goes to hell and back to find him. She goes to the damn Arctic, for pity's sake. She scours the planet using every resource that he's willed to her and does her best to track down her absent mentor. She keeps up a strong front, but privately she almost feels lost without him. She does terrible, awful things with the power he's given her, all with the purpose of saving the world and helping him.

And then Lex betrays her too.

Lana opens her eyes (literally) and Tess sees exactly what a fool she's been taken for. She's unknowingly broken the promise she had made to herself, that she would never let anyone that far in again just in case they turned on her. And look where it's gotten her now: Used and abused, just as she always has been. Right back to square one.

But Lex has made her too strong.

Tess takes his money, his company and his view into the world through her eyes and starts to pave her own way.

()()

Zod makes her feel clever.

Zod is every bit as devious and conniving as she is. He knows how to play the game and play it well, and so pulling one over on him is unbelievably satisfying.

Zod turns away from her that day they meet, trapped in her bedroom together. He doesn't want her to see his alarm, his nervousness that he can't get out of whatever hole he's dug himself into. But Tess can see the tension in his shoulders and his neck, can see the way he balls his fists and tries just a little too hard to appear calm.

She sees someone she can play like a grand piano, and decides to have a go.

The expression on his face when she throws him to the wolves (i.e. his own army) is good, but the better one is the one he wears when she sends his man's dog-tags back to him in a pristine white envelope.

Across the street, she raises a coffee to him and smiles:

_Don't fuck with me, Zod, because I will fuck back._

And she will. Lex's betrayal has not left her in the most forgiving mood, except perhaps towards Clark (But Clark is the exception because he's Clark). His expression is blank, like he literally cannot wrap his mind around the fact that she's managed to kill one of his men (possibly one of his best) and come away so obviously unshaken and unharmed (all the soldier managed to do was leave a fair-sized bruise on her shoulder, but Zod can't see that).

The cat-and-mouse game has never been more entertaining. Zod is a worthy opponent, and Tess enjoys planning her counterstrategies and figuring out which ways to bother him the most without actually making him want to kill her. Winning brings her to dizzying heights of pride and satisfaction, and she is never higher than the day she makes him kneel before her that day in the Kent's barn.

"In every relationship, one person stands, while the other one kneels." Tess says, and she _knows_ how utterly fucked up that sounds even if she does believe it. She looks down at Zod as he writhes and gasps and revels in the fact that she's outdone him, that he's confused and even a little frightened of her, because he has no idea how she's doing what she's doing. She likes this height she finds herself at, above a man that might have otherwise totally dominated her, and is determined to stay there. "I will not be forced down again."

"I wouldn't… Want you to."

He's lying- at least, partially. Because even amongst the anger she knows is there, Tess can see a tiny glimmer of wary respect in Zod's eyes, because she is, most likely, the first person- man or woman- who's managed to push him down so mercilessly, so strangely easily. Finally, she thinks he sees her as an equal.

Then it becomes sexual. Zod is ruthless in bed, and Tess realizes belatedly (though thankfully nothing comes of it) that Zod could probably easily _kill_ her with sex, now that he has his powers back. He's rough, but gentle enough that Tess can actually move once its over, and she's pleased in more ways than one.

In spite of the fact that their business, as Lex had once advised her, is partially mixed with pleasure, it's still a never-ending battle to see who comes out on top. Tess knows that Zod's intentions are not as pure as he would like her to believe, but she bides her time in the hopes that some good can still come of the situation.

Then he declares war on Earth.

His true intentions revealed, Tess turns on him. He burns half of the skin off her body and kills her.

When Tess awakes alive and well some time later, Zod is long gone. She regrets putting any faith in him whatsoever, even though she had really only trusted him to be a sneaky bastard in the first place. She actually feels better that he's gone, because at least now he won't have a chance to blow her to Hell again.

Tess moves on from this betrayal much faster, but with no less self-hatred; this time for different reasons.

()()

Clark makes her feel safe.

From the very first moment she saw him, when she woke up in his arms as he carried her away from the site of the bus crash, Tess knew he was a protector. Lex had always been ambiguous about Clark: For some reason, they weren't friends anymore. But Lex always had compliments for him, calling him a protector of the weak, dependable, always willing to lend a hand.

He's a gentleman, too. Polite, kind, maybe a touch bashful here and there, but not a pushover- at least, not a pushover for anyone but Lois Lane. He stands his ground and clearly has an innate sense of right and wrong, truth and justice, and Tess realizes that men as genuine as he are hard to find.

She knows he's lying to her about Lex, and knows later that he's lying about his powers because she can read it on his face. His excuses are paper-thin in many cases, but his expression is what gives him away: In those few moments where he doesn't hate Tess- and she admits that eventually they become fewer and fewer as time goes on and he sees her darker side- she sees a twinge of guilt, of regret on his face when he flat-out lies about not knowing anything about Lex, or what she's referring to when she goes on about his powers.

And in spite of his typically sweet and honest nature, he isn't one of the ones that has absolutely no grip on sarcasm: "I guess I assumed after you ambushed me in my barn and accused me of being an alien Jesus that we had dropped any formalities." Tess never mentions it to him after the fact, but that happens to be one of the funniest things she's ever heard.

Clark is clever, too: Tess's memories are admittedly quite fuzzy, but she can't for the life of her figure out how he managed to knock her out and get them both off the plane without raising suspicion. She only knows because she was watching him carefully. She has to raise a glass to the skill and intelligence that he keeps carefully hidden from others, playing himself off as the bumbling newbie to avoid rousing suspicion.

It's around the time that he dangles her off a building and demands to information out of her that Tess starts to realize that Clark has a dark side just as she does, and it's best not to trifle with it. Suddenly, he doesn't make her feel so safe anymore. Suddenly, she realizes that maybe she's pushed him too far, and she doesn't like this side of Clark. Not in the slightest.

"You're already in bed with someone else- Kal-El. Wrong choice of bedfellows."

"You may want to change yourself to impress Clark Kent, but we both know, don't we? Deep down, you'll _always _be a Luthor."

Is her liking for Clark so transparent? In retrospect, of course it was. Mostly because _everyone_ loved Clark, Lex included at one time. He was one of those people so sincere and kind in his ways that he was the measuring stick by which you could judge yourself. If Clark liked you, then you couldn't be too bad.

Following her resurrection, she wants nothing more than to redeem herself. She wants nothing more than for Clark- Oliver, Chloe and Lois, as well- to see that she doesn't mean them any harm anymore. She wants them to trust her, because after so many years of being the bitch, she wants to be one of the good guys again.

When she finally does get back into their good graces, even being invited to run the Watchtower in Chloe's absence, Tess is moved to tears. She's hoped for redemption, but never dreamed it would be granted to her like this. She feels accepted again, and Clark's acceptance makes her feel good in ways she's never felt before.

"You're not alone anymore."

Tess really does think she loves him.

But Lois loves him too, and Clark loves her back. And he's certainly never going to make the mistake of loving a Luthor again.

Nothing ever comes of it, so Tess's regrets are few.

()()

Emil makes her feel…

He makes her feel all of the good things she felt with the others, and almost none of the bad.

He values her opinion, and somehow what they have isn't tainted by the fact that a mere year ago they were on opposite teams on the playing field. She doesn't feel the same guilt around him that is often evoked around Oliver and Clark, whom she betrayed and did wrong to. And he has never betrayed or done wrong to her, as Zod and Lex had. Much of the tension present in each of those relationships isn't even a remote factor in her relationship with Emil.

When they first meet, Emil is congenial. It occurs to her, as she's shaking his hand, that the Watchtower files are probably laden with all of the things she's gotten up to over the last few years including, but not limited to, her work with Checkmate, alliance with the Kandorians and ruthless activities on Lex Luthor's behalf. He has to know at least the bare details of it all, and yet he has no reservations about her that she can see.

They speak the same language of tech-talk and biology, and quickly find some common ground to meet upon. He finds ways to be informative about aspects of the system she understands without talking down to her, and there are more than a few times when she thinks that he's being sarcastic or screwing with her somehow, only to realize that he is being one-hundred and ten percent serious. He's friendly, but treats her with the sort of deference you give to someone you aren't familiar with.

The day of the surprise engagement party is the first time that they start to become less friend-like and more friends. He walks in while she's frantically setting up after rushing over from the Planet, and immediately asks what he can do to help. She gives him some vague directions with the tables and chairs (Many of which are fortunately on wheels) and talks with him as she sets up the flower arrangement near the window.

"Did you come up with this by yourself?" He asks as he throws a white tablecloth over one of the faux-wooden tables nearby.

"Oliver and I," She says, "Oliver mentioned Clark was going to propose, we both thought a surprise party might be nice."

Emil's lip twitches. "And yet, Oliver isn't here setting up?" Tess snorts and rolls her eyes, because that doesn't even deserve a response. They spend the rest of the time talking while they work, and given that their activities have nothing to do with work, it's both relaxed and banal- A good banal. By eight-forty everyone has arrived, and Lois and Clark arrive together at nine, making it perfect.

"Everything's gorgeous, Tess," Lois says as she looks around at the decorations. "You do this all by yourself?"

"No, Emil showed up and helped." Oliver is within earshot, and Tess takes the opportunity to give him a look, which he grins at and then walks away.

"You two have fun?" Lois and Courtney are grinning. Of course they are- After all, it's impossible for a man and woman to just be friends.

"We talked and set up the decorations. That's it." The pathetic part, though, is that it's (and the party itself) probably the most fun Tess has had in a while.

Until the night of Lois and Clark's bachelor-bachelorette party, of course.

She's wearing a steel-blue, tight-fitting dress that she's had forever. It's nothing special. When Clark invites Emil and Oliver into the house, Oliver grins at her and waves; but Emil stops for a second when he sees her, speechless. He isn't the first man who's ever looked at her like that, but it's been a while. "Uh- I-" He swallows and nods, composure completely regained. "You look lovely." He smiles, and maybe Tess blushes just a bit; if she and Oliver were still dating, she might have gotten a quiet wolf-whistle. Clark wouldn't have said a word. Zod would have looked at her in that predatory way and made some smooth remark, and any compliment Lex would have paid her would have been hollow in retrospect.

"Thanks."

They have the toast, and Tess feels delightfully buzzed. She stumbles over to Emil and his camera, and he looks both amused and a little uneasy at the sight of his friends falling over each other and giggling like loons. "Emil, here-" Tess holds out a glass of champagne to him. "Come on."

"Uh-"

Tess will remember this moment later and wonder what in the hell she was thinking. But she pouts a little and gives the glass a little wiggle, a bit of champagne sloshing over the sides and onto her hand. "Please?" Emil looks at her for a moment, but then lowers the camera and accepts the glass without a word.

Everything about ten minutes after the champagne is a blur or non-existent. The first time Tess is coherent enough for her brain to start recording memories again, she's dressed up as June Cash and singing with Emil at the Ace of Clubs (And even then, it takes a little more head-clearing to realize that it's him under the white suit and strange hairdo). When he gets hauled off by the police, she's still drunk enough to not realize what's happening and laughs.

Then Tess hates herself because she convinced him to drink the champagne and because Emil isn't with the police and _damn it_, clearly there was something she _could_ have done to avoid losing her memories the night previously and she failed to do it. When Clark brings Emil back to the Watchtower a few hours later, Tess atones by cleaning up the wounds Amos Fortune's goons inflicted on him.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I convinced you to drink the champagne."

"I could have said no."

The thing is, Tess doesn't think he could have. Not with the way she plied him, and not as easily as he accepted after she did.

This suspicion is only strongly reinforced after they watch the video.

It is, without question, the single most humiliating moment of Tess's life. Because she's done a lot of crazy things, but she's never made a sex-tape, and she's never let people _watch_ her having sex before. On top of that, she's completely smashed and acting like a complete ass (They both are, but Tess is more distraught at her own behavior). In the end, Tess is so desperate to stop the video that she almost bashes the camera against the table to shut it off.

Chloe disappears some time during the tape. Oliver goes looking for her after he gets in a few more cracks at Emil and Tess. Clark and Lois sheepishly slide out the door.

Suddenly, they're alone together.

And that's it. This is the part where it ends. How are they going to be able to look at each other now? They won't, that's how. All future conversations will be strictly related to the running of the Watchtower, because how can this image _ever_ leave your head? How can the knowledge that all of your friends saw you both having sex on your desk ever _fail_ to be mortifying? It can't.

So, the one relationship she's had that's been free of just about all conflict is over because they got drunk. No, wait- _She_ got drunk, and then convinced _him_ to get drunk. So it's her fault.

Tess just kind of quietly sits, face in her hands, trying to will away the heat in her cheeks as she tries not to die of embarrassment. Emil is silent at the other end of the couch, having climbed over it in his frantic attempts to help her shut off the tape amidst Oliver's catcalls and her own panicked stuttering. For a while, the two just sit in silence, and Tess thinks that maybe they could stay like this until morning, because she can't speak for Emil, but it only feels right for someone to say _something_ before either of them leaves.

Finally, Emil clears his throat. "That was… Mortifying."

Tess presses her fingers over her eyes and nods a bit, not looking at him. "My thoughts exactly."

He pauses. Then, "Are you all right?"

Now Tess looks up at him, partly surprised at the inquiry and partly at the fact that, despite what he's just said, he actually sounds pretty calm. "…Define 'all right'."

"Are you going to pass out from the sheer horror of what you've just witnessed?"

"I'm not horrified at what I _witnessed_, Emil," Tess bursts out, "I'm horrified that our friends _witnessed_ it!"

Emil pulls an odd face. "You're not bothered that we had sex?"

Tess chuckles and hell, all things considered, why not be honest? "I have a long list of men I would never want to wake up next to, Emil. You're not on it." He blinks, but damn it, his poker face is amazing and she can't tell if he's uncomfortable or flattered. He finally settles on a response:

"Likewise."

It sends a little chill down her spine, but in a good way, because he sounds sincere. Not an ounce of joke in his tone. Somehow it makes Tess feel even more uncertain, more awkward, and she glances away. Emil is handling this… Very well. Oliver might have been awkwardly flirtatious and inappropriate (maybe, because he's changed a lot, Chloe is very good for him). Lex- Tess doesn't even want to think of what sort of events would follow if she'd had drunken sex with her half-brother. Clark would have died from horror already, and Zod would think the whole thing a great joke at her expense.

And somehow, it's a little less mortifying to have Emil not freaking out about this as much as she is. But then, she's no mind-reader, and she's under the impression that the man can repress like no one else.

He has the decency not to ask for her attention until she gives it willingly. "I think maybe we should burn it."

Emil looks puzzled. "Onto a CD?"

"No, I mean _burn_ it. With fire. A big, big fire."

He smiles and picks up the camera. "My apartment building has an incinerator." Now Tess makes a face.

"Just how old is your building?"

He grimaces. "Old."

Tess grabs her bag and follows him to the door. Emil stops to hold it open for her, and she thanks him quietly. They're halfway down to ground-level when the silence between them becomes a bit much, and Tess has to decompress. "You have to promise me you're not going to make copies of that thing. I really don't want to see it on YouTube tomorrow."

As smart as Emil is, he doesn't always seem to have the best grasp on the concept of joking; his expression grows serious, and he stops walking, facing Tess directly. "I have far too much respect for you to do that."

Then there's more of that silence she's starting to hate with a passion, because he just sounds so… Serious. Earnest. And it's been far too long since she's heard someone say that to her and actually mean it. Against her will, Tess feels her face grow warm, and she smirks to cover it. "That was a joke, Emil."

And finally, he cracks a bit too: He sees the joke and knows he reacted with maybe just a touch too much sincerity to be interpreted as… Platonic. Emil clears his throat and nods. "Right. Sorry, I- Take things a bit too literally, sometimes."

Tess's smile softens. "So I've noticed." She knows Emil would never dream of letting anyone else see that video, but the verbal confirmation of his respect for her reassures her more than she ever could herself.

This time, with this man, she thinks she can believe it.

-End


End file.
